First Crime
i dreamt i gave my bastard child up for adoption.
i dreamt of her head cut off with a small silver knife and
when i woke up from the dream i was sweaty and shaking.
"leave me out with the waste, this is not what i do..."
i was not so much scared at the flashing images as i was terrified of the honesty I saw in everything. it was not about the baby. it was not about the murder. in the dream, i saw everything clearly. the fear of commitment. the fear of being chained down. my white whale.
"its the wrong kind of place to be cheating on you..."
before i gave the infant up, i was so happy of it. an achievement. a miracle. but as with any achievement in my life, the novelty wore off and i was left bored with it. i got bored with the life i created. the prospect of boredom changed to fear of being routinary.
"is that all right with you? is that all right..."
posted by Richard at
5:41 AM
6 Comments:
hey richard u are posting again. my 2 fav bloggers are posting again...nicE!
hey..
fear of commitment.. sometimes people are miserable and unhappy because they 're afraid to break a promise, a commitment... isn't that crazy?
if you have a fear and doubt.. forget it..
yeah it has been a while. not much to write really nowadays. hopefully ill get more in the coming months. :) thanks for reading my posts
always read ur posts. u know what, ur latest post reminds me of somebody else's blog entry. i have to surf through her entries again coz she wrote it last year. the way u write and how this person writes it kinda similar..maybe u are the same person with 2 blog addresses. hahahah...just a strange thought.
it's good to read your thoughts back and again.
hey richard (aka maling),
first read about you in the philippine idol forum. i don't know if you remember me, but we're both part of the anti-jelli brigade. lol.
you're a great writer. hope you keep on blogging. :-)
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