Morning Pill #5 it is SO over
i wish to have the ability to orate long strings of utter profanity.
i dont think im really angry. anger would be a luxury. i dont think im happy as well. no.
apathy.
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its all calloused now. unfeeling.
i am the gray color.
i think i fried my organ for feeling as a survival mechanism. because THAT was too traumatic if i let that one in.
the trick ? Lie. Lie to yourself.
Because when i saw her, it beat. and i had to crush that which beats.
make it still.
crushed.
it doesnt beat anymore.
i am smile.