There Is No Rest

being true to yourself can come in a lot of forms. there is being true to a belief - a set of code that we may try to stay as true as possible. when people enter into a company, a little club or even a religion, they follow a certain creed. the catholics call it their cross. the lawyers call it the constitution and even the hopeless romantics have one. its called romantic comedies or as is more common today, tragimedy. there is also being true to another person - a loved one, a supervisor, a friend. it doesnt matter who it is, its being really authentic to them with what you feel and what you do. whether it is toning down the degree of honesty or simply hurling it to the wind the bareness of it. and lastly, there is being true to oneself. i could not help but smile when i read in a blog from a college friend of mine regarding what i think is one of the best description of self-authenticity:

"even for a moment we cannot rest our eyes...

because for the most part of our lives, they continue to lurk deep into our souls,

searching for whatever it is we have been looking for"

-author-

the eyes that really see the things that matter do not rest when we shut our eyes for it continues to bore into our very selves without respite. it peels away that what which does not matter. it asks us the very important questions that we have to get through every day.

are you happy?

is this what makes you happy?

and my favorite..

the things that you did, the people that you stepped on, the people that you helped

was it all, and i mean every dark bit of it all,

was it worth it?

...And if your lucky, you will get that answer.

for some people it may break them down. it will drive them insane.

for some, it will make them put a bullet through their head. for the most part,

the answer they will get they will not hear. but if you listen closely and you have been true to yourself,

you will hear the answer and it will make you smile because you will know its true.

Morning Pill #10

sometimes all you need is a good song to get through the day.

***

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

- How to Save a Life by the Fray -

Aftercall

it's weird how i have been keeping this mishmash of a journal without mentioning work. Ha! God I hope its not that i could be ashamed of it. Of course its not that. if anything i am proud of what i do and how much i earn... or how much i earned it.

Coming to work you come to understand how people are lonely, if only we listen close enough. its such a universal denominator. Loneliness. People react differently to loneliness. my friend for one surrounds himself with people everyday even if through the conversations get to be monotonous. i know someone who uses work as a preoccupation. as for me, i deal loneliness in the only way i know how. to face it in the face and indulge. and maybe perhaps, after that i get to write about it as i pass by.

every week we talk to hundreds of people. And they come in with their problems while we listen. its a wonder really how we manage to filter out the connection to as inhuman as possible. i guess its what we have to do so that somehow at the end of the day, we come out intact. i honestly think that when two people talk, i mean really talk. they share and leave a piece of themselves with that other person. so i guess, we do what we can do. we detach ourselves and at the same time maintain the illusion of human warmth. its not because we dont care.

i think its because its the only way we can get up the next day without hanging ourselves.