Morning Pill #5 it is SO over

i wish to have the ability to orate long strings of utter profanity.

i dont think im really angry. anger would be a luxury. i dont think im happy as well. no.

apathy.

its all calloused now. unfeeling.

i am the gray color.

i think i fried my organ for feeling as a survival mechanism. because THAT was too traumatic if i let that one in.

the trick ? Lie. Lie to yourself.

Because when i saw her, it beat. and i had to crush that which beats.

make it still.

crushed.

it doesnt beat anymore.

i am smile.