Friday, January 21, 2005

Faces of Masks of Faces

As you may have read now from my first post, my childhood was a bitter disappointment of underachievement. sympathy got the better of me. my life up to that moment was very limited and freeing at the same time. my world then was school, house, neighborhood, books, tv, and myself. that was it. i shuddered to think what was beyond those places. but as time would have its bizarre sense of humor, life turned everything to chaos. life gave me college. pre-adult years. as if battling and negotiating and at times surrendering to my hormones was not enough, life had to immerse me in a new society. - a group of people that was probably as confused as i am. And if they were, they sure knew how to hide it.
there i was, standing in the middle of this colossal edifice that was to be my university filled with faces and masks. i stood there and asked myself, "what the fuck am i doing here?"
however, as with all of my twisted and gray memories, most of which that i can recall are those that i did not understand. those memories, i see them in vivid colors.
woe is the man who has settled his eyes on a woman for the first time. it is a totally unsettling feeling.
i felt a strange machinery inside me awoke. i felt b e t r a y e d by my body that it created this 'monstrosity' without my knowledge. truly, woe is the man.
what i know now, i did not know then. i did not know then that this monstrosity would be the bulk of my very being now and i succumbed.
And then i met alice. oh alice where do i start. did it ever end?

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Morning Pill #2

some say it was courage ('k&r-ij) and yet some may call it audacity. throwing caution to the wind. i told you. i told you every thing. every thing. of course at that moment you could have placed my sanity at your heels and crush('kr&sh) it. lo, you did not. you smiled....smiled.
miles of slimes of lies. miles of slimes of lies.miles of slimes of lies.miles of slimes of lies.miles of slimes of lies.miles of slimes of lies.miles of slimes .

people dont smile anymore.
people should smile more often.
smile. :)
now, are you smiling?

People Are Not Lego

there are 6,413,283,892i people right now in the world. there are 6,413,283,892 categories of how a person should be. I hate it when people try to fit me in a category. they try to fit me into this cut-out idea of what they want me t o be or what they know people should be. people shouldnt be anything else but people. fitting them into an idea or concept would mean to cut out all those that do not fit. theyre sick. sick close minded retards. please dont try to fit me into your onesided categories of how a person should be. am i supposed to be snipped and cut to fit an acceptable idea of how a person should be? please. its one thing to accept and another to be acceptable.
God knows where you fit yourself!
fucking retard.
fucking retard.
fucking retard.
fucking retard.
>fucking retard.<
i guess its part of how their minds tend to make up for the stuff they cannot grasp of. i hate to be the one telling them to not make up stuff. it makes me look like a smart asshole...and im not a smart asshole. or i dont want to be one. i make a conscious effort to not become one...unlike you.
i have to ask myself, "how many categories of people do you know?".
go figure.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Morning Pill

I like you. But i cant tell you that to your face. I might sound desperate. You might go away. You might leave me. I have to find some shitty romantic creative crap to say it. Love does not have to be creative. Love is not only for the artistic. Love is also for morons. when is love for me?love for me?love for me?VEIL ME FOR SO ...


Phony Masks of the Fantabulous

There are people who are happy. There are people who are sad. There are people who are good. There are people who are bad. These people are people and should be treated as such. But none compares to the kind of people who are uncomfortable when they are surrounded with the same kind as them. These kinds of people are little cancer cells. They feed on everyone. They feed on everyone's expense. Becaue somehow, and today it still escapes me why, these people are not satisfied by just being happy. Oh no. They have to find someone in misery to promote their happiness. These people are assholes. Fucked up assholes. They wake up and see the world is bright and sunny. They wake up and think the world's sun shines for me and all those who are happy like me. And they think to themselves, "Why...everyone's happy. and if everyone's happy, then no one is happier. oh that cant be. i have to be the happiest. there has to be someone who is sad today. hmm.. you. yes you by the road in your gray shirt. how come your sad? sad man. silly sad man. be happy. look at me. im happy. look at the rest of us. we are happy. being sad...its so bad. being happy...its so much better. we are better. ahh. life makes sense again. doesnt it? go along now. amuse us with your sad trappings and adventures. oh so sad. "
these people. i hate these people. so insecure. so afraid of those who dare to be unlike them. i guess it is fear. they fear because to us, their whole life is not premier. it is mundane. because to us their lives are normal. and they cant dare to be normal. And so this people go into society. here is a simple activity you can do to find out who these people are. when you meet this people, listen. listen to them as they talk about how fantabulous they have become. this shouldnt be hard. and when they ask you how you are doing...tell them your not like them. and that theyre so fantabulous. they will spread their cancerous veins to you and the feeding will begin.
it amazes me. them. they should be shot.